Semana Santa - It doesn't work as well when there's no work to do.

I'm on vacation and I'm not sure I like it. The bits of my mind that are usually filled with work are suddenly free to relax and do something else for a while, and they all seem to have settled on missing home. I had meant to escape Flores (and tourists, and civilization) and go for a trek through the jungle, but the tour to El Mirador (a full 5 day's hike) fell through, and I didn't move fast enough to plan anything else. This turned out well, because I've been hanging out with Gabriel and Terry, their friends from Mexico and volunteers from England. The past few nights have been late and full of music.

But as much as I enjoy my time with my new friends, I miss my family, and my old friends. I feel caught between the two vast, slow months between now and a flight into Boston, and the nine short weeks into which I must fit everything I want to and need to accomplish before I leave Guatemala. More than anything, I'm absolutely done with being a tourist. I've spent the past three months trying to earn my local-ness, and I feel like I'm doing pretty well. I run into people I know all over Flores, I have close friends and a wonderful relationship with my host family, and the Lancheros only try to charge me tourist rates occasionally. My recent trip to Belize showed me how important all that is to me. I crossed the border and everything was subtly new. I didn't know the right prices or exchanges and was immediately taken advantage of. During the first day, I struggled not to respond to questions in Spanish, even though the signs and voices around me were English. Going to Caye Caulker, where the snorkeling is incredible, but the tourist/islander relationship is about as stereotypical as it gets, and where the group of hostel guests "just needs to find a place where we can get a decent pizza!" was not something I was prepared for. My time on the water was wonderful, and I will be glad to tell you in person how many incredible sea creatures I saw, but the minute I got back to shore, I knew I had to get the hell back to Flores.

Unfortunately, I still want to do things that involve being a tourist. The limestone pools at Semuc Champey, the numerous ruins to the north - basically anything outside the Flores-San Miguel loop I live in - I want to see. I hear so many versions of what Petén is - from the books I read, the people I work with in ProPetén, the people we work with through ProPetén and the family I live with - that I have to go out and see for myself what it's really like. It just bothers me that I haven't found a way to do these things without putting on my tourist hat.

At any rate, I'll go back to work week, launch my first website (!!!) and wonder what the rainy season (coming soon) will be like. Regardless of my social/emotional/identity/purpose difficulties, I'm still surrounded by some pretty significant natural beauty, and I'll finish this post up with some pictures.

[edit] for all my complaints, I can't help but smile when I look at the pictures I'm taking of the beautiful world around me. Also, I went hiking this past weekend, and I have CRAZY pictures and stories about that, which I'll write soon - maybe tomorrow.